(#15/52) A Crumbling Tower
I have been pretty quiet on social media lately aside from raising issues and announcements about my work. I left twitter except to occasionally check in on our progress. That’s in general because I’m trying to focus on what matters, and because I’m tired, and reading the news lately isn’t good for my mental health as an empathetic person or as a woman who has experienced varying degrees of my own and others’ trauma with sexual assault, etc. I grieve the feeling of safety that women deserve to have, but can’t in our society. (And by the way, most of us never report, in case anyone was wondering at this point. ((And by the way women only even tell each other or safe partners in secret years after events occur))).
But I want to respond to what’s happening in the news briefly — and CW regarding rape, sexual assault, the failure of toxic male leadership, etc.
The Kavanaugh allegations, our ridiculous president, Bill Cosby going to jail, the McCormick take down, the sentencing of Larry Nassar, many other stories — all of these are interconnected. The power is the solidarity, women finally feel they can share about their victimization. And, as people have continued to say, let’s believe them as often as possible. I want to say clearly, I believe them. In regards to Kavanaugh, recently, I have been reading the depositions and avadavits. These women don’t know each other and they are telling the same story. Same patterns, same cast of characters, same attacks. That’s how you figure out it’s the truth.
Yesterday DT gave an unbelievably sad and poorly delivered press conference in which he was sweating from every pore, saying that the #MeToo movement was dangerous, that women throw around accusations all the time.
DT went on in his rambling, frightened speech to say he had charges brought up against him all the time for women accusing him (and then he said George Washington had accusations in his past? What the hell.) Not the first time he’s mocked #MeToo. Also, as is public record now, he paid a porn star 130k to hide an affair on his recently postpartum wife. He also was recorded on tape saying he takes advantage of women w/o permission. Don’t ever forget that, this is our American president, folks.
Kavanaugh denied all the obviously similar claims, and said “I was a virgin” which — -whatever.
Why do sexual predators downgrade their female victims’ accusations? Why do they deny? Because they know they can. That’s what power is. The power to be above justice. When people describe “toxic masculinity” they’re talk about the power of a sniveling trash bag of a person to 1) become president of the US after publicly admitting he is a sexual predator and 2) continue to publicly downgrade women’s accusations against their accusers with a machismo bravado that can only be described as asinine.
It’s a part of the same process that allows them and other predators to continue to hurt and objectify women. It’s a gateway for men to continue feeling no shame for assault, for exposing themselves in public, for lewd behavior, for cornering, for stalking, for rape, or even for just standing by their friends watching them do it. DT is their advocate. Kavanaugh is, too. He should not be confirmed.
We need people like RBG on the Supreme Court, people with a history of skillful ethical deliberation and long term constitutional rhetoric & study. Not people who deny victims a voice, or who have left a trail of victims.
“Believe women” and “Believe survivors” is a way of saying “Women are people. If they are telling their own stories, just like men, we should believe what they say.” They’re telling the deepest, harshest things that have ever happened to them to try and make sure it doesn’t happen to other people. Believe them.
Men often struggle to understand what women want. So, here’s a couple things we want: Full consent in sexual situations, mutuality and understanding, not to be assaulted physically, to be left alone when we asked to be, to be believed when we offer the truth about our victimizations or any experience.
And full and equal justice under the law.
I asked my cousin who is a freshman in college what she thinks about these things, whether rape culture continues to be powerful in her generation. She says she knows lots of girls who have been through sexual assault, and that they are mobilized for change. We watch this happen to our sisters and daughters every generation after generation, forever. We are trying to stop it.
This is why #MeToo movement exists. As a woman or a man, please support it. Believe women.
When Bill Cosby went to jail for a rightful conviction of drugging and raping women, he said, this is “how the tower crumbles.” Let it fall.
Christine Blasey Ford’s statement here: https://www.nytimes.com/2018/09/26/us/politics/christine-blasey-ford-prepared-statement.html?action=click&module=Ribbon&pgtype=Article
Livestream here: https://www.newyorker.com/news/news-desk/live-stream-watch-the-senate-judiciary-committee-hearing-with-brett-kavanaugh-and-christine-blasey-ford
